Her name was Myra... some gal from Minnesota, tryin' ta get a taste of the ol' blue collar thumb. Some farm girl, with wiles equip for the most repressively vile, and obscene performances I had ever witnessed....or should I say, experienced.
Harold, the bartender, was in obvious observance of my situation. He was well aware that it had been some time since I've laid my grimy fingers on, or even near someone that bore more than a good 5 teeth or more. Let alone a full set. Golly, what a nice white set she had!
The hospitality in the pub was well nourished, and the drinks ample. Always served with a chummy, "there ya go boss!". The more the drink poured, the more comfortable I became. The dirt under my long boogeyman-like fingernails became more and more translucent. The rotting scent of my cavities became more of the pheromones working wonder, than the typical sensual aberration and admonishment.
I could feel her... eating up that marvelous pungency from my gullet. Like some sour candy, gulped into her lungs in some abysmally wondrous dream scape of smuttiness. We would pause this slippery nonsense between slugs of booze... make an attempt at intelligent conversation (neither one of us being even decent candidates for). Then just giving up and regressing into our actual relationship with one another.
She would clench my genitals like she meant to harm me. Maybe she did. I didn't care. Twisting and pulling in fashions that tear the skin and grip so hard it sends the blood back to the brain (even if you are into that sort of shit, its painful.)
"MYRA! take it easy baby, you's gunna twist me right off da' door frame! what kinda fun can we have then..."
"I'll have as much fun as I wanna! I can take it on back home with me as a souvenir...OH! the things I would do!"
I would be lying if I said I wasn't turned on by her comment. My mind wandered with the possibilities. Then again, coming from a guy like me...this kind of attention is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So what if she ripped my dick from my body! Damn thing has been nothing but a nuisance since i first got it up. At least it would be torn apart in a whirlwind of lusty debauchery. Better than getting caught in the gears of the machinery at work.